I don’t know, if I were part of a supposed, “smart group” of criminals I would have stood up and said, “Hey guys, maybe it is a bad idea to blow up a helicopter we just used as an escape vehicle, about 2 miles out of downtown Los Angeles. That would alert the cops who also have helicopters to where we are, right”? (See accompanying picture). But no, the criminals in the new heist film, “Takers” do just that early in the film and never see one cop car or even flinch at the thought someone was on to them.
Like a lot of heist films these days, I am subject to watch a bunch of unlikable characters spend tons of money to pull off an elaborate scheme to get more money that I gather they will use on their next elaborate scheme, when they already seem to be so well off with whatever they have already made or can make from their legitimate businesses. What is the point? If you want to tell me a story about men who have to rob and steal for the thrill, then fine, but I wasn’t shown that here. Instead I have to watch, Paul Walker, rapper T.I., Jedi Hayden Christiansen and woman beater Chris Brown, fumble their way through a disjointed and not so thinly veiled rip off of, “The Italian Job” with maybe two or three small changes.
The film also features Matt Dillon as the apparently troubled cop who is not so hot on the criminals trail, in a role that just perpetuates his decline as a viable actor. His side of the story features the typical signs of what we are used to in these films; dark secrets, a divorce, a child he can’t care for without dragging her to the station and an Internal Affairs side plot that plays out to a point, but has no actual weight to the story as a whole, and seems to be there just to make the movie longer. There are other small sub plots throughout the movie that try to explain small events that help the plot move along that could have easily been explained by having one of the already established characters something they ultimately didn’t. Ultimately, the movie is filled with tons of filler to make sure it is a certain length. On top of this, too many questions are left unanswered. Frankly, I don’t care about what the answers are; I would have rather spent the 100 minutes or so I spent watching “Takers”, taking a dump.
Now, I didn’t walk into the film expecting too much in the first place and I imagine a lot of people won’t either. However, if you want to impress an audience, show them something different. The makers of “Takers”, decided it would be better to just rehash so many formulaic pieces of every film out there before it and just hope that enough T.I. and Chris Brown fans spend money to see the film and rave about how amazing their acting was; and no, their acting jobs were mediocre at best.
“Takers” is a lesson in how to make a quick buck in the film world, by being totally unoriginal. When the movie hits cable, I may watch it as it plays in the background while writing another review or something of that sort. Other than that, I have no desire to have anything to do with this film and neither should you. When August 27th rolls around and “Takers”, hits theaters; stay inside and find a good magazine to read while you hit the porcelain.